Various Brain Droppings
by Crescent Pulsar
Summary: Every now and again I'll feel like writing something of meager size, whether it's a repurposed idea that failed to become a story, or if it's something that's better suited in a collection of unconnected scenes and shorts.


Note: If you were expecting something else after all of this time, check my profile.

I have a ton of ideas, and some never get fully developed or aren't the type that I want to write anymore. I'm the type of person whose mind drifts to things that I've conceived yet are left unfulfilled, so getting out these short scenes and stories will be a kind of cleansing process for me, leaving me with fewer distractions. For the most part, I'll try to make these amusing, even if that had not been the original intent.

If any of these ideas happen to inspire another writer, they're welcome to do whatever they want with them.

**The Mother of All Endings**

After falling through the crumbling floor, due to a burst of steam from the chamber below, Ranma and company soon found themselves in the large bathing area where Saffron's egg had taken form, upon extricating themselves from the rubble. When they had last been there, the phoenix-shaped faucet had fallen beak-first onto the egg that had contained Saffron, creating a number of cracks in it. Now, the aforementioned faucet was no longer in contact with the egg, due to the fact that it had a large, jagged hole in it.

From within the egg a shape could be made out, emerging through the hole, and as the steam around said shape cleared up it became apparent that it was a large, naked man, albeit one with wings on his back. Everyone present watched as he slowly got to his feet, and nothing of note happened until he was no longer supported by his hands and knees. At that point, he suddenly turned his head and leveled his gaze at Ranma, with such an intensity that it caused the martial artist to take a cautious step back and prepare for an attack.

However, no attack came. Saffron merely stared at Ranma, until an old man rushed up to him from behind. Kima was present as well, following the old man's lead, who knelt when he came to a stop and addressed their ruler.

"Lord Saffron!" The old man cried, as he dabbed at his tear-filled eyes with a handkerchief. "Forgive this travesty!"

Saffron turned his head aside, so he could see the old man out of the corner of his eye. "Jeeves..." Then he looked away, his face a mask of stone as he tilted his head downward. "My transformation... has failed."

"Failed...?" Ranma wondered aloud.

Saffron pulled out an entire outfit from out of nowhere, and began to give the audience of foreigners an explanation as he casually dressed himself. "Had my transformation gone as planned, I could have become the true king of my people. I would have been able to provide them with light at night, and warmth during the Winter."

Ranma held no sympathy for Saffron and his people, and he expressed as much when he said, "You think I care about that!? Akane's life is on the line! The Jusen water is going to flow again!"

Saffron began to stalk toward him silently, so he tensed up, readying himself for whatever the ruler of the Phoenix would do, and gripped the doll that was Akane more tightly so he wouldn't lose her during whatever might happen. He stood his ground even as Saffron stopped within arm's length of him and stared down at him with an unreadable look on his face.

Then, suddenly, Saffron enveloped him in a hug and passionately proclaimed, "It will be as you desire, mother!"

Ranma shuddered with revulsion and managed to slip out of the Phoenix king's grasp before leaping away from him. "What the hell!?"

"Oh, dear!" Jeeves exclaimed, his face a mask of worry, as he and Kima arrived upon the scene. "It would seem that Lord Saffron has imprinted upon Ranma!"

Ranma regarded Jeeves with exasperation and jerked a thumb at his own chest. "That's just stupid! Do I look like some kind of mother to you?"

He was suddenly doused by cold water from behind, thus becoming a she, so she whirled around and glared at Mousse, who was holding an empty pail. "What do you think you're doing!?"

With a self-satisfied smirk, Mousse said, "It just seemed as if you'd forgotten about your curse, so I thought I'd remind you."

"Aiyah!" Shampoo exclaimed, before her look of surprise became a frown as she appraised her female husband-to-be. "Shampoo forget that Ranma can become mother, too."

Behind her, Ranma's father, who was still under Shampoo's control, raised a sign that said, "You've got the look!"

Ryoga, the Jusenkyo guide and his daughter simply nodded their heads in agreement.

Ranma was unamused by all of their responses, and it showed by way of her ticking brow. After planting her fists on her hips, she angrily retorted, "I don't care what I look like half the time: I'm not going to be _anyone's_—"

Sensing something undesirable approaching her from behind, she tucked and rolled away from Saffron's attempt to embrace her once more. Once she was on her feet again, she faced him and shouted, "Quit that!"

"But, mother," Saffron began to argue plaintively, who was clearly choosing his words and behavior to disturb and aggravate Ranma, "I only wish to express my love for you!"

Ranma looked ill at the declaration, and decided to run away when Saffron began to give chase. "Like _hell_ you are! Get away from me!"

After Saffron spread his wings and took to the air, he yelled, "As your son, I must insist that you take responsibility as the queen of the Phoenix and correct what you have done to endanger our people's future!"

"Gyaaaah!" Ranma screamed, who had simply had enough trying to reason with her so-called son.

Everyone else watched as Ranma was chased around the chamber, with an abundance of sweat drops being bore by many a brow. Eventually, the Jusenkyo guide prepared his pipe, lit it, and took a puff before sharing what he had observed. "Despite mister customer now being his mother, king still find way show unhappy, yes?"

Ryoga raised a clenched fist to chest level, which shook as he watched the effectiveness of Saffron's attack, and due to the idea that it had given him in light of one particular experience that he'd had with Ranma in the past. "Ranma, you haven't seen Hell until you've been a single mother with _two_ children!"

**Afterword**

Ranma 1/2 has two instances of imprinting in the series, both involving some kind of phoenix, and one closely connected to Saffron in particular. Between that, and non-infants/children imprinting on people, it just seemed reasonable to believe that Saffron could have imprinted on the first person that he had seen after being hatched.

In the original premise, the idea was that Ranma would actually become the queen of the Phoenix people in the physical sense. Because there wouldn't be a battle that would just happen to solve the Phoenix's access to Jusen water back home, Saffron would have used his own body to feed Ranma while trapping him in an egg, thus transforming him into a proper ruler of the phoenix. When I say "proper," I was going to base it on Chinese mythology, where the phoenix is associated with yin. (In the past, though, two phoenixes symbolized both yin and yang.) Water is strongly associated with yin, too. There was basically going to be an explanation of how a female was better suited for the role, why they had been stuck with Saffron, and how Ranma could function as an alternative.

In the end, however, I couldn't think of where to take the story from there. That was probably for the best, though. Hopefully someone will enjoy what I did with the general idea.


End file.
